What If Stinkbugs Were Philosophers?

As my friend and I sat inside Chick-fil-A enjoying our chicken and waffle fries, we saw a stinkbug slowly scurrying along a window.  I could only think about how annoying they were.  Invading my home, sitting aloof as I killed them (for some reason I hated that they didn’t even try to run, as if they didn’t value their lives), the sound they made when I witnessed their occasional flight.  These were all things that made them among the most obnoxious bugs I’ve ever seen.

But, then I started to ponder to myself…What if they weren’t just idiot bugs that lazily sat around all day?  What if they were simply in deep thought thinking about life and death?  Perhaps all stinkbugs were philosophers.

Maybe they looked at the sky and thought, “What makes the sky black and white?  Are those their true colors or do I simply lack the sight to see the truth?”

Or what if they stared at us humans while we were deep in slumber thinking things like, “Humans, what is their purpose of existence?  They do more harm to the ecosystem then help in keeping it balanced, yet they reign supreme.”

As I suck them into my vacuum cleaner (just as a precaution since I’m not positive if they truly stink as their names suggest), what if they think of God?  “This strange vortex sucks me up and will surely end my life, will there be a Stinkbug God to bring me into the heavens.  Or perhaps, I will be born again, reincarnated, if you will, into something different.  Will it be another bug or something better, like a human or even an animal?  No, perhaps I was a human that sinned, which resulted in me becoming a bug in the first place.  But I digress.  The thick balls of grey are starting to cloud my thoughts.”

It’s kind of funny to think of stinkbugs as philosophers.  I think I’d like them more if that was the explanation for their laidback attitudes.  Maybe I’ll reconsider killing them from now on and just put them outside instead.  Hmmm…no, I can already hear my mom’s response to that.  “Don’t do that, it’ll just end up right back in the house!”



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